What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
