The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
