I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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