Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
