I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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