and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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