When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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