There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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