You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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