I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
