ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
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Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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