Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
