Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
are you so shy because you have an std?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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