Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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