All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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