my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize