your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
