there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
