Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
