I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
