i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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