You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
