If that was your dad, he is hot
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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