I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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