just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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