I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
