All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
