I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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