come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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