I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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