The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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