summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
