This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I fill condoms, not promises.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
