Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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