I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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