Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Who died my cat blue again?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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