Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
