Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
