The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
