Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
