Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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