OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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