My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
