I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
