Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
