Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
