Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize