Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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