Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize