He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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