She said her name was "party"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
