I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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