it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
