Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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