Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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