I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
