watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
