I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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