I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I look better un-naked...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
