I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
