I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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