I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
