don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
