great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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