I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
